“I’ve Had to be Okay with Being Invisible to Men” |Wednesday’s Word

I absolutely love this article!

Here’s what I know: I’m cute and I have a great figure. Whoever sees me, sees me. Those to whom I am invisible didn’t merit my time in the first place.–Carolyn Edgar


I believe every woman who returns to natural hair via the big chop goes thorough what Carolyn went through. Although she went from mid-back length locs to a TWA, rather than from relaxed to natural hair, the shock of seeing one in a different way can be traumatizing and spur regrets if one does not do it for the right reasons…that reason (in my humble opinion) being because they want to! I think it makes you develop character, self acceptance and leads to self confidence.

Carolyn Edgar, Lawyer, writer and single mother in New York City has worn her hair a variety of ways during her life; “pressed and swinging down her back until age 25, relaxed and bouncing around her shoulders until age 32, in two-strand twists for a short time, and in long locs for the past 12 years“, and most recently she decided to let go of the locs because she was “tired of the weight of them, of the heat of them against the back of her neck, how heavy they were when wet, how long they took to dry, and finally tired of the things they reminded her of.

 It’s clearly not just hair, as some would claim!

From my own experience, I like many women of African descent world wide, have had my hair relaxed my entire life. I never knew what my my hair felt or looked like sans the creamy crack. When the new growth began to creep up around my edges, I just had to have them laid! Not to mention, I had a mother who would turn her nose up at my ‘naps’ when she saw them.  When I decided to go natural, it’s a decision that I did not come to lightly.

Carolyn’s New Look!

One thing I always stress to anyone who asks me about going natural is the mental change that has to occur.  We have to accept that everyone, including family, friends, co-workers, significant others, etc, will not love our hair. We must be prepared to possibly face discrimination at work, snickers and side comments regarding our hair, and even rejection from men who at one point adored us.  This is easier said then done, as most women value their looks, being appreciated for their physical beauty, and want to feel beautiful.  I think the most gratifying feeling as a result of going natural was loving myself regardless of the naps that grew from my head. Despite the fact that my hair is different from what’s acceptable as the norm, I still feel beautiful, because I’ve accepted myself as I am. I’m fortunate that I’ve not had a negative reaction from friends and family. I’ve had a few questionable comments from people I work with, but I chalk that up to their own ignorance. I believe those who mind my hair, don’t matter.  We will attract what we attract and I think we should focus on that.

When your light shines, others can’t help but be attracted to its luminance!

What’s been your experience with others accepting your hair since going natural?

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.